Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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