She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
