how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
