The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
