You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
