I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
