K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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