I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
