i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
