my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize