I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
