were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
