you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
