I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
