we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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