Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
