Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
