he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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