You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
