Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
