I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
