You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
