somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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