JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
