someone threw a dead crab at me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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