Christians are straight up FREAKS
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
