I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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