Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
