Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize