she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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