i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
