but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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