I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So much rum. So many feels.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
