I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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