That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im holly from the hills drunk
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
