Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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