i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
