We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just pee around me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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