She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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