Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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