Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
