my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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