i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't notice because vodka
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
