How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
