New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
