i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
