the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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