so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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