dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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