We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
