Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
