He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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