do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
