he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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