i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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