you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
