My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.