We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pants are for mortals
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!