I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?