It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...