i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...