shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?