You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Semen is not good for contacts.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
