ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
