my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
