tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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