do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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