Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
